Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Past and Present

"It was the third time in six months that Penny had been awakened by the smell of her own vomit.... disgusted by her gluttony, she had stripped off and got into the shower. The water was pounding against her skull..... Her legs felt weak and were shaking.... She didn't attempt to stop herself from crumpling; instead, she sat with her knees under her chin and her hands cupping her head to protect it from the water tumbling down." (Anna McPartlin's "Apart from the Crowd").

I sat out on our back porch this morning, feeling the warmth of the sun against my face and the smell of spring all around. I sipped a steaming cup of coffee as I watched my nearly 3 year old run and play. The scene could have come right out of a novel. It was so serene and so beautiful.

Five years ago, I would have been uncapable of enjoying such a morning. I could have tried sitting in my chair, allowing the sun to hit my face-- but it would have been an all out assault on my senses. Five years ago, I spent most of my mornings as the character Penny did in this scene out of a novel I am currently reading.

Today I am thankful. Thankful for my family, thankful for everything God has given us, and mostly thankful for my sobriety. It wasn't until I gave up my personal fight against my addiction and allowed the Lord to fight the fight for me that I was finally restored to sanity. How odd to consider, the only way to win is to give up. Give up the fight, but don't give up hope.

Joyce Meyer in her book "The Battle Belongs to the Lord" gives three practical steps to giving the fight to the Lord. Step One: Admit that you have no might to stand against your enemies (addiction, etc). Step Two: Admit that you do not know what to do (you alone do not hold the answers). Step Three: Keep your eyes on God (focus on Heaven, not on earthly things and have faith/trust in Him). --- Pg. 16.

This is a battle for the Lord.

"I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. " John 15:5

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion". Isaiah 30:18