I can never give another person what I have found, but I can make them desire what I have. There are no magic words or phrases to do this (as much as I WISH there were.)
I keep going on over and over in my head...what could I have done differently? What if I hadn't told her that? What if I had said this instead? Why didn't I recognize what was happening?
These are the questions that drive people mad, and I know they have no place in my head.
My comfort is this...He knows my heart, the Spirit intercedes for me. When I don't know what to pray for, which has been alot lately, the Spirit does. When I think, well, I prayed for the wrong thing, I am reminded my God is not a petty God who looks for reasons to thwart my prayers, He is one who loves unconditionally, gave His son to die on the cross for me and has given His spirit to dwell in me.
I've been learning some tough lessons lately. Feeling heartbreak like none other. Seeing one I love look towards the Lord, as if she is accepting Him in her life, then like a flash turning her head, mind and body the complete opposite direction, making decisions that absolutely break my heart. I've never felt heartbreak for the Lord like this before.
What this brings into sharp perspective for me is how much I try to deal with on my own, not committing as I should, ALL things to the Lord. How often I rely on my 'worldly common sense' rather than delving into the word of God and spending quiet time in prayer and reflection as much as I should.
| The questions that matter in life are remarkably few, and they are all answered by the words - "Come unto Me." Not - Do this, or don't do that; but - "Come unto Me." -Oswald Cambers, My Utmost for His Highest |
These are lessons I pray to learn, remember and practice. Father God, thank you for the forgiveness & patience you give this heartbroken daughter of yours.
2 comments:
It is so freeing for me to pray according to the Holy Spirit's lead and know He's in charge! Have a great 4th!
I remember when you were a sponsor and how much I admired you for that. It's something I've never felt cut out for-- having to watch people hick rock bottom, struggle to get back on their feet, only to throw themselves back down again. But I know when I was that alcoholic that refused to be well, or that didn't have the strength to be well, that God was busy working on my character.
Sometimes I think we just have to pray that God will be able to use the situation for His good. That someday, down the road, we'll be able to look back on all this and see His divine hand. So we just pray for the person and hope their heart is open just enough that God is able to do His work. And also that we'll come through the heartache a little more like Him. :)
I'm so sorry for your heartache. Wish I could make it all better.:(
Lou
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